I'm lopsided!

Dear Reader,




Yes, I am indeed lopsided. I've been noticing it more and more these days. One of my eyes is smaller than the other...I always forget which. The mirror-image effect always screws up my perspective. And this somewhat squinty peeper is also fringed with droopier eyelashes than my...other eye. I hate applying mascara on these thrice-accursed lashes because they just won't stay up. And they keep smudging up my glasses because they droop down, instead of curling up, like their more obedient counterparts. I keep telling my dad to buy contacts for me, but he just fails to see the relevancy of my argument.

"Just don't wear mascara," he says.

I mean, really! Don't wear mascara, indeed!



Moving on. My right hand is bigger than my left hand. I think it's because I'm a righty, so my right hand is more...muscular [?] than my less-developed left one. And when I say 'bigger', I mean my right fingers are bigger in diameter, but not longer, than my left ones. Same goes for my fingernails, too, incidentally. And my left-hand fingernails grow faster and thinner than my right-hand ones. Hmmm...curious.



Also, my right leg is longer than my left leg. No joke. I don't exactly know how I came to make this shocking discovery. I think it just gradually made itself manifest over the years. And my second toe--the one next to the Big Toe--on my right foot is longer than the one on my left foot. There's this old wives' tale (Indian, I think) that if a girl's second toe is longer than her big toe, she'll be a bossy and demanding wife. But if it's shorter than her big toe, she'll be a very devoted, domesticated-type wife. I guess that puts me somewhere between the two extremes.



Well. Have I freaked you out, my dear reader? Are you appalled at my non-symmetry? Are you staring aghast, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, at the long list of my physical deformities? Have I shocked and flabbergasted you to no end by the recitation of all my lopsided flaws?



If so, then...good! My work here is done. Muahahahaha! *flashes evil grin*



Sorry about that, dear reader. I just couldn't resist. I think it's about time for me to sign off...I've been awake the whole night. It's almost nine, now. In the morning. In extreme cases, sleep deprivation can lead to temporary insanity. That probably explains the unhinged and haphazard nature of this post. So, I'm off to bed. Good night...I mean, morning!





Yours,



Figgy the [Mentally] Imbalanced