Defective

Dear reader,

There's something wrong with me. I can't seem to get anything done. And it's already the beginning of August! I have less than 3 weeks to get that stupid list done! What the hell have I been doing with my time? Seriously. If I were someone other than me, I'd be really pissed off at myself right now.

Anyway.

Actually, nope...I got nothing. I have nothing else to say. I'm feeling drained. Drained creatively, emotionally, spiritually, gastronomically, financially, and every other -ally you can think of.

I'm not even gonna bother properly signing off this post. I'm just going to say "bye, see you later".

Bye. See you later.

P/S: Ahhh, sorry for the harshness. I'm frustrated. I want need to vent.

P/P/S: It's Friendship Day today. Interesting.

Whistle while you work

Dear reader,


A grievous fact has recently come to my attention. I am lazy. Abominably, insufferably, hopelessly lazy. I'd even go so far as to say I'm slothful. That's right. Slothful. Wasn't that one of the seven deadly sins, sloth? Along with lust and gluttony and all those other things.

Yes, that's a sloth. Creepy as all hell, isn't it?

You know, these seven particular vices were never actually listed in the Bible under the category 'Seven Deadly Sins'. Not even as 'Seven Sins That Happen To Be Slightly Deadlier Than All Other Sins'. It was all the result of a man, and his very human need to rationalize, categorize and bullet-point everything into nice, neat groups for the masses. A certain Evagrius Ponticus--occupation: Roman monk, 4th century--is responsible for the original deadly sins, the 'Eight Evil Thoughts'. About 200 years later, this list was simplified by Pope Gregory I, becoming the more popular 'Seven Deadly Sins' we have today.


Anyway. Now that the brief (and uncalled for) history lesson is over, let's get back to the matter at hand: my inability to function in any productive capacity. No more, dear reader. I pledge to stop frittering countless hours away being idle, wasting my precious time accomplishing a big, fat load of nothing. I want to do stuff, make stuff. Get stuff done, like a normally functioning adult!


So, I put a little list together containing all the tasks I want to accomplish before my classes start again in August. I'll try not to put anything too idealistic or ambitious on it. I mean, the only thing that's worse than disappointing someone else is disappointing yourself.




List of stuff I want to get done/make:

1. Clean and redecorate my room.
• Con: It's a big room. With a lot of stuff in it. Dust-collecting type of stuff, with numerous nooks and crannies that just magically attract all sorts of creatures of the creepy-crawly variety.
• Pro: I won't be doing it alone. My sister and cousin share the room, so they'll help me. (I told you, it's a big room) I'll just have to clean up my part--read: the messiest part--of the room.
2. Complete at least one DIY project a week.
• Con: I have no self-discipline whatsoever.
• Pro: My inherent need for pretty and artsy things might overcome my lack of motivation. Emphasis on might. And I'll just do little things, like cards or collages or bookmarks. Nothing too fancy.
3. Complete at least one short story.
• Con: I haven't written anything in over a year, not counting blog posts, of course.
• Pro: Getting started is the hardest part for me. I just have to write something, anything, and things take off from there.
4. Sketch and draw more.
• Con: Again, lack of self-discipline.
• Pro: I need to improve. Not want, need.
5. Catch up on my reading.
• Con: I tend to get distracted and start another book before I've finished one.
• Pro: I miss reading. It'll be nice to read just for the sake of reading again.

Yup. I hope I can get everything done. Things seem so much easier and more clear cut when they're all jotted down in lists, don't they? That's why I love lists. I guess Brother Evagrius loved lists, too.

Anyway. Have you ever noticed how Disney characters manage to stay annoyingly cheerful despite being born into varying degrees of drudgery, squalor and inevitable cleaning up? They're always cleaning. Snow White, Cinderella, all their furry little friends. Even the enchanted, inanimate objects look cheerful as they're scrubbing or dusting or sweeping. How do they do that? Is it really that enjoyable to clean stuff up?

Louisa May Alcott wrote a poem about cleaning stuff up. It's in 'Little Women'. Despite reading and rereading this book as a child, the habit of enjoying making things clean hasn't taken over me quite like it took over Jo March. It'd be nice if it had, though.

A Song from the Suds

Queen of my tub, I merrily sing,

While the white foam raises high,

And sturdily wash, and rinse, and wring,

And fasten the clothes to dry; 

Then out in the free fresh air they swing,

Under the sunny sky.

I wish we could wash from our hearts and our souls

The stains of the week away,

And let water and air by their magic make

Ourselves as pure as they; 

Then on the earth there would be indeed

A glorious washing day!

Along the path of a useful life

Will heart's-ease ever bloom; 

The busy mind has no time to think

Of sorrow, or care, or gloom; 

And anxious thoughts may be swept away

As we busily wield a broom.

I am glad a task to me is given

To labor at day by day;

For it brings me health, and strength, and hope,

And I cheerfully learn to say,

"Head, you may think; heart, you may feel;

But hand, you shall work always!"

         - Louisa May Alcott

My mother used to say something to me when I complained about having to do my chores: "do it in love" or "do it with joy" or "...and rejoice!". Or something equally annoying.  So anyway. I shall strive to work hard, metaphorically whistling as I do. I'll be bugging you with constant updates, so you'll be able to look forward to that, dear reader.


Oh, look! It's a heartsease flower!

Bet you weren't expecting that, huh? I love the name: Heart's Ease. Lovely name for a flower, don't you think? Oooh, and look at the pretty leaves and colours. I'm not really a flower person; I always get them mixed up or forget the names or whatever. And I can't take care of them. I once made a cactus die. Seriously. Just like that Demetri Martin joke. "Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert."

So I guess this is it. What an abnormally long post. I'll be seeing you later, dear reader. Til next time...





Yours,


Figgy the [Soon-to-be-Reformed] Sloth

I wish I knew then what I know now...

Dear reader,

There comes a point in a person's life when a new thought pattern develops; they start wishing for things they've never wished for before. They start imagining how great life could have been. If only I did this instead of that. If only I could do it over. If only I knew then what I know now. As children, thoughts like these never occurred to us. We never wished to go back to a certain period of time, we never pined for that particular day when we had so much fun at the beach...or finger-painting...or playing tag with our friends. If we had such a good time doing something, we'd go out the next day and do it again. We looked forward to every new day instead of recoiling in horror at the approach of another day of classes, or another day at the office. We've lost our childlike wonder. We've grown out of it; that quality of looking at the world through young eyes. Everything was magical and new and wonderful. Wonderful...full of wonder. Wouldn't it be awesome if the world were full of wonder again?

Here's a list of some of the things that I know now, and wish I knew then:

1. Do your homework. Study consistently. Don't be lazy. Don't procrastinate...and all that jazz.
2. Ask questions. Do it before the moment has passed; you'll never get that moment back again.
3. Read labels carefully before partaking of any processed foods/beverages. Or else suffer the consequences of drinking what you naively thought was ginger tea--perfect for your sore throat--which turned out to be Detox ginger tea instead. So now, not only are you coughing incessantly, you also have diarrhoea.
4. Don't let anyone intimidate you or undermine you into doing something you don't want to do. Stay true to your convictions, even if it costs you the approval of other people.
5. Walking on a cement curb requires balance. Heavy backpacks decrease balance incrementally. Therefore, do not walk on cement curbs while carrying heavy backpacks.
6. Mountain-climbing is fun...on the way up. On the way down, it stops being 'fun' and starts being 'excruciatingly painful'.
7. Speak up; people will listen. And they're kinder than you give them credit for.
8. Never, ever stretch your fonts. Ever. And please, for the love of God, do not use Comic Sans.
9. Some sentiments can only be truly expressed through profanity. Just don't swear in front of your parents.
10. Learn how to take criticism gracefully. Even if you hate being told what to do (like me) use the advice given to you...or at least pretend that you're considering it. This shows respect and that you're not too proud to learn from others.
11. Cut your folks some slack. They might be incorrigible nags, but that's just because they want you to know the things they know now, but wished they knew then. Hmm...yeah.
12. Cultivate a culture of excellence. Nothing is quite as satisfying as proving to someone that they wrong for underestimating you.
13. Welcome new responsibilities, embrace challenges; they expand your capacity. Even if you feel abominably reluctant and awkward at the prospect of holding any type of leadership role (like me).

And so. There you have it. 19 years summed up in 13 points. I wonder if I should add 6 more, just for the sake of unity or coherence or something. Nah. 13 is quite enough. In fact, dear reader, I'd be impressed if you managed to read the entire list without simply skipping to the end.

Hmm, number 1...2...3...this is getting boring. What's the last one? 13? Ahhh. Okay, done.

See, I know how you think. It's almost scary the way I just typed out your thoughts, isn't it? Didn't you know, my unsuspecting reader? I'm psychic.

Pfft...psychic. Psycho's more like it.


There! I did it again! Hey...don't be mean.


Alright, alright. I'll stop now. It's getting boring anyway. Oh, before I sign off...how about you? What's the one thing you know now and wish you knew then? Is is something funny? Something embarrassing? Or is it just something that would've saved you a lot of time and effort if you'd known beforehand?


Okay, so this officially marks the end of today's blog post. I guess I'll be seeing you. Til next time, dear reader, I remain...








Yours,



Figgy the Detoxified