No clouds above thee

Dear reader,




Wow. Last week was one of the most stressful weeks of my entire adult life. Considering I haven't even been an adult for very long, I can only assume that I'm going to face many more stressful weeks exactly like it in the future. Not exactly a comforting thought.

Why was it so stressful, you ask? Let me break it down. I had three assignments due that week. And an exam.


Assignment #1
Graphic Design: rushed to hand in the visual diary--basically a record of our tutorial exercises and the design process we went through for our other assignments--on time. Had to rush all over town to the printer's, just to get some coloured printing done.


Assignment #2
Design Studies: had to resubmit assignment. But I'm glad I got a second chance at it because, frankly, it was crap. Still, watching all my other classmates (besides me and my group mates) finish theirs was pretty stressful.


Assignment #3
Drawing & Illustration: ha. This one was the hardest to deal with. The deadline was moved up, from the 13th of July to the 6th. And this was one heavy-duty assignment: 12 pieces for Drawing, 12 for Illustration. Although the lecturer was merciful and reduced the minimum required number to 10 each. Still. I think this one assignment shortened my life span by about 6 months.


Exam
English: meh. It was an exam, albeit an easy one. I hate exams.


To top it all off, I lost my wallet. Let me repeat that, dear reader, to emphasize the enormous significance of that phrase. I lost my wallet. My wallet, containing my IC (Identification Card), ATM card, driver's license and some money, the exact amount of which I can't recall at the moment. I'm just glad my student ID was in my bag and not my wallet; I couldn't have sat for my exam without it. And so, I had to make a police report, apply for a new IC and cancel my ATM card. I still have no idea where it could possibly be. I don't think I'll ever find out.

And so, in summation, I don't know how I made it through last week. All I know for sure is it's finally over, and I'm still in one piece. Barely.

Going through the unfortunate series of events that was last week, I realized something. I cope with stress by sleeping. Avoiding the issue, hoping it will magically disappear on its own. I know that's not a healthy thing to do, but I can't help it. I hate confrontation. I had to call the bank to get my ATM card cancelled. On the phone. It wasn't easy. I hate that I can't talk to strangers on the phone without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Like their muffled, disembodied voices are judging me. I stared at the telephone for a full five minutes before finally dialling the stupid number. The funny thing is, I have no problem talking with people I'm familiar with; friends, family. But mostly family. I still hesitate before calling any of my friends.

Anyway. Everyone has their own way of coping with stress. Some eat their weight in Twinkies and cheesecake, some people--like me--avoid the issue entirely. Then there are some people whose coping mechanisms are actually somehow productive. They go for a jog, reorganize their CD collection, create thought-provoking, stimulating pieces of art. I wish I were one of those people.

Alas, I am not. Obviously.

I was lying in bed just now, thinking and listening to music. This song came on, and I decided I wanted to share it with you. I needed a boost in spirits after last week, and this song did it for me. I hope it has the same effect on you, dear reader. Enjoy.

If it wasn't for my pain 
Then I wouldn't know my strength
If it wasn't for my future
Won't be fightin' here today
And of course, I know my way up
'Cause I fell the same way down
What matters is what you do 
When the trouble comes around

Take a step now
Get up on your feet
Gotta be brave
No clouds above thee
Follow your heart
And then you will see
There's always a way
Hold on tight
Tomorrow will bring
Every key to every locked dream
It ain't as hard as it seems

[Chorus]
Baby, don't cry
Things are about to change
Baby, don't cry
Things are about to change
And all the hurt and the tears
Will be just history
And all the doubts and the stress
Will be just history
And all the hurt and the tears
Will be just history
And all the doubts and the stress
Will be just history

Your mind carries a heavy weight
And your knees are kinda weak
You wanna run and fly away
But you hurt, the wound's so deep
You feelin' like it's time to give up
When your soul is cryin' loud
Nothing lasts forever
You will find your way out

Take a step now
Get up on your feet
Gotta be brave
No clouds above thee
Follow your heart
And then you will see
There's always a way
Hold on tight
Tomorrow will bring
Every key to every locked dream
It ain't as hard as it seems

[Chorus]

I only wanna be a real man
I already got a real plan
I ain't gotta be rich
I ain't gotta have wealth
I just do the best I can
'Cause the life of a child
Innocent, worth more
Than a ring and your new jeans

Got love in my life
And that's all that I need
You believe and you succeed
And through the pain and the hard times
We push on with our head high
Each one reach one clothe one feed one
Do it right now, its time

Things are about to change
Oh yes, they can
Things are about to change
Yes, yes, we can
[repeat x3]
[Chorus]

I love that part, Hold on tight/Tomorrow will bring/Every key to every locked dream. The imagery of it gets to me every time. Every key to every locked dream.


There was this one line that seemed a little off to me, though. No clouds above thee. I felt like it didn't really belong there, like it was quoted from somewhere else. So I Googled it, and came across an Emily Brontë poem. I don't know if that line was really inspired from this poem, and I'm not saying that it is, but it seems likely.

The Night

THE night is darkening round me,

The wild winds coldly blow;

But a tyrant spell has bound me

And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending

Their bare boughs weighed with snow,

And the storm is fast descending

And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,

Wastes beyond wastes below;

But nothing drear can move me;

I will not, cannot go.

Emily Brontë

Clouds beyond clouds above me, Wastes beyond wastes below; But nothing drear can move me; I will not, cannot go. Can you just imagine it? That feeling, that sense of helplessness. You can see the trouble coming, but you just can't do anything to avoid it. Maybe because you know it's pointless. Maybe because you know, even if you outrun the storm now, it'll still catch up with you sooner or later. All you can do is endure it and hope it passes.

But what does it mean to have no clouds above you? No clouds means no chance of rain. It means a clear view of the sky. A clear view of all possibilities, without limitations. There's nothing to overshadow or obstruct your vision. Freedom, as limitless and expansive as the sky.


I remember how it used to feel. Back when I was young and naive and still placed implicit belief in my own potential. I hope I feel the same way again, and soon. I'm not old enough to be jaded.


And so, I'll just end here, before I bore you to death with any more of my ranting. I'll be seeing you, dear reader. Til next time.




Yours,



Figgy.